Monday, March 21, 2011

really gq?

As you may have read, GQ recently released its list of "Worst Sports Fans in America." The list is a reminder of why so many Americans read and trust the household names of GQ writers, such as...you know, those people who we all love for their authoritative and responsible reporting. You know who I mean! Those guys! Oooh it's right on the tip of my tongue!! Those guys who named the "25 Douchiest Colleges in America," and the "Top 10 List of Major League Baseball's Fattest Men! (Parts I and II)" Whatever, you know who I'm talking about.

Well, those titans of journalism have conducted a very scientific study, in conjunction with Harvard University and MIT, to determine which cities and which teams have the "Worst Sports Fans in America." At the top of the list is Philadelphia with a double win, for our scummy, scum-bag Eagles and Phillies fans. "Philadelphia has long been derided as a terrible, terrible place to visit, and not just for visiting sports teams and their fans. It's nice to see our city celebrated on this prestigious list," commented one fan in an interview definitely not conducted with my mirror. It's true that while Philadelphia may be a stinky, smelly, dung heap, as that very famous and well known GQ writer would have you believe, we really haven't been told as such in the national media before. I mean, sure, we've had mentions in the local news, the blogosphere, associated content, and USA Today, but THAT IS ALL of the examples. So it is definitely nice to be in the spotlight as a great city, in the eyes of the nation.
Unfortunately, the purpose of this post is not merely to heap praise upon that famous GQ writer that we all know, love, and are unavoidably influenced by (though he, of course, deserves mountains of praise for a well conceived and well executed example of journalistic integrity). No, this post has something to say about the congratulatory blurb that accompanied the picture of a Phillies fan at our #1 (and #2) spots atop the list.

The article states, "Over the years, Philadelphia fans have booed Santa Claus as well as their own star players. They've even booed a guy who just helped the city win a friggin' World Series title—while he was getting his ring. Boooo! Admittedly, there are some things fans have cheered. Like Michael Irvin's career-ending neck injury and a fan being tased on the outfield grass. Things reached their nadir last season, when Citizens Bank Park played host to arguably the most heinous incident in the history of sports: A drunken fan intentionally vomited on an 11-year-old girl. The truth is this: All told, Philadelphia stadiums house the most monstrous collection of humanity outside of the federal penal system. "Some of these people would boo the crack in the Liberty Bell," baseball legend Pete Rose once said. More likely, these savages would have thrown the battery that cracked it."

Really GQ? Philadelphia is so much worse than this. We deserve an even higher ranking than #1 AND #2. Yes, we booed Santa. We also pelted him with snowballs, a fact your "article" conveniently leaves out. Also, I accidentally AND intentionally vomit on people of all ages at every Phillies game I go to - especially if they take away my firearms at the gate. You also forgot the many people we throw batteries at (some of them the only black players on the team at the time) or the fact that OUR LAST STADIUM HAD A COURT AND JAIL IN IT.

In short, Adam Winer (I remembered it! man, I love that guy and his super insightful articles in GQ on Take Me Home Tonight, "The Worst Sports Fans in America," aaaand...THAT'S IT.), this "article" is a joke. Philadelphia sports fans are much, much huger and more disgusting monsters than you ineptly give us credit for. Next time, probably you'll be writing for the New York Times or Maxim or something by then, make sure you get your facts straight.

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